Top 5 consulting jokes


Our topic for April 1? What else — jokes!

We wanted to have some fun because it’s April Fool’s season, so we decided to survey the web for the best consulting jokes out there. We found tons of good ones, and a few great ones, and then some that made us laugh out loud. We selected the top 5 consulting jokes to share with our MC audience – you’ll find them below.

But before we get there, we wanted to say a few things about jokes during consulting fit interviews. We’ve heard of people getting asked this super random question in their management consulting interview: “Tell me a joke.

How in the heck are you supposed to respond to that? Should you actually tell a joke? What if you can’t think of anything appropriate? What are your interviewers testing for when they ask you that? How long is too long for a joke? Would a short 1 – liner be preferred over a story?

First of all, if you’re asked to tell a joke, then by all means tell a joke! If you can’t think of anything appropriate, you probably haven’t prepared as well as you could have for your interview! (Check out our Consulting Interview Bible for fit and interview prep guidelines.)

Despite our love for the consulting jokes, in a consulting interview, it’s safest to stay away from consulting-flavored jokes. There are 3 reasons why:

  1. Show your interviewers that you have a clean sense of humor. Why’s that important?  They want to be around someone fun and easy to get along with, not a dried up curmudgeon – but also someone who is client friendly. As you’ll see below, not every consulting joke is clean (most aren’t, in fact) and the probability you’ll offend someone with a joke is statistically very high. A witty but conservative response to this question shows you are ready for presentation to anyone, anywhere.
  2. Avoid the risk of insulting someone. They’re all consultants, so they’re insiders in the industry. However, you’re not – and using a consulting joke will undoubtedly make you look like you’re trying too hard. Also, it’s unlikely you’re going to tell a joke they haven’t already heard in some form or another.
  3. Show that you’re game for anything. In many second round interviews, where weird questions like this may come up, consultants care less about your answer and more about how willing you are to respond to curve balls. Because you could be spending hours and hours with these people, show that you’re up for anything – not just trying to give the “right” answer.

Have you responded to “Tell me a joke” in an interview? We’d love to hear from you! Post your response below or email us with your story!

Okay, drumroll, please……here are the top 5 consulting jokes as deemed by the MC team. Enjoy!

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Consulting Joke #1

A consultant is …a man who knows 99 ways to make love, but doesn’t know any women.

From workjoke.com

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Consulting Joke #2

A physician, a civil engineer, and a consultant were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world.

The physician remarked, “Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world.”

The civil engineer interrupted, and said, “But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong: mine is the oldest profession in the world.”

The consultant leaned back in her chair, smiled, and then said confidently, “Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?”

From workjoke.com

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Consulting Joke #3

You Might Be a Consultant if…you introduce yourself to your next door neighbors … again.

From dcs-media.com

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Consulting Joke #4

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “Don’t try these techniques at home.”

“Why not?” asked somebody from the audience.

“I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained. “She made lots of trips between the fridge, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, “You’re wasting too much time. Why don’t you try carrying several things at once?”

“Did it save time?” the guy in the audience asked.

“Actually, yes,” replied the expert. “It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in ten.”

From workjoke.com

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Consulting Joke #5 (My personal favorite!)

A guy was walking through the forest one day when a frog called out to him from the side of the path…

It said “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into an enchanting, beautiful princess”. He bent over, picked up the frog, put it in his pocket and continued with his walk.

The frog chimed up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into an enchanting and beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The guy stopped, took the frog out of his pocket, smiled fondly at it, returned it to his pocket and resumed his walk.

The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into an enchanting, beautiful princess, I will stay with you and you can do anything you want with me.” Again the guy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asks in exasperation, “What the hell is wrong with you? I’ve told you I’m an enchanting, beautiful princess; that I’ll stay with you and let you do anything you want with me. Why won’t you kiss me?

The guy said, “Look, I’m a consultant. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog – How cool is THAT!! ”

From independent-consulting-bootcamp.com

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Read more consulting jokes or share new ones! Post your consulting joke below or on our Facebook page. Why not share the good fun?